


Not your fault

by Vaeronika



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Cute, F/F, Fluff, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lost - Freeform, alex danvers is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 05:16:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16927191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaeronika/pseuds/Vaeronika
Summary: Alex Danvers dies during a shooting. Kara feels responsible and for a period of time closes in on herself, moving away from everyone. When one night she finds herself again in Lena's office, what could happen?





	Not your fault

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, English is not my first language so I apologize for the possible errors. If you want, report them in the comments so I can fix them. Enjoy reading! * ^ *

National City had never been so quiet before. But after all, no criminal wanted to face Supergirl at the time. It had been two weeks since the superheroine behaved differently. She had no mercy, neither for aliens nor for humans. 

She hadn't reached the point of killing, she would never have crossed that threshold even if forced. But she had broken more bones those days than in all her life. The aliens or the humans who gave the most trouble passed first from the hospital and then in prison. Supergirl flew over the city with a watchful glance and hearing what was happening around her. 

She had decided not to rely on the DEO any more for a while if they needed her they would contact her. Otherwise, she wanted to be alone. She had focused on protecting the city, Kara Danvers hadn't existed for weeks. Now it was just Supergirl, an angry Supergirl, who vented fighting the crime. The media weren't at all favourable to her change of attitude, but they couldn't understand. 

No one could understand why she was behaving like that, they even hypothesized that some kind of kryptonite droved her crazy. But the cause was nothing like that. It wasn't something alien, it wasn't something that normal people weren't affected. It was something human. It was the pain of a loss. It was human.

The blonde flew up to a building, the one right in front of the L-Corp. She sat on the edge, dangling her legs, and lost herself in looking at the various offices, only one still had the light on, and Kara snorted and rolled her eyes. 

Lena always worked late, and the blonde didn't understand how she could live like this. Kara used her x-ray view to check that she was fine. She saw that the woman was sitting at the desk, so she technically gave her shoulders, and wrote on a piece of paper. 

Kara concentrated better, listened to the noise of the metallic tip soiled with ink that met the sheet, then the woman's regular breathing and finally her beating. 

Secretly every evening, when she had nothing else to do, she stood there, in silence, listening. Just listen, because she hadn't talked with her for two weeks, she hadn't seen her face, her smile for two weeks. She couldn't hear her laugh, the one that only Kara could provoke. For two weeks she felt empty, and couldn't do anything to fill the emptiness she felt in her chest. She stretched out on the edge and sighed, closing her eyes, letting herself be lulled by those relaxing sounds.

"Miss Luthor, a package arrived for you from Mr. Lin," Eve's calm voice said, interrupting the silence in the office. Kara watched as the secretary entered the office and placed the package on the table. 

"Thank you Eve, and I already told you that you have to go home," she said and Kara could perfectly imagine the serious expression Lena was making. That expression she used to do whenever she tried to talk seriously when she was worried. Frowning eyebrows, slightly pressed lips. Eve sighed. 

"I'm leaving only if you promise me you won't be late," Eve said, and Kara thanked her mentally for voicing her thoughts. Because the blonde was worried about the health of the brunette, and now that she couldn't see her, she knew not very much about how she was. 

Kara had faked a business trip elsewhere, away from everyone, after what had happened. Several times she noticed how her cell phone rang or was full of messages. Nom never answered, but sometimes she read what Lena wrote to her. 

At first, she kept asking her to talk to her, she told her that she was there, that she could call her anytime. In the end, the attempts waned, but the brunette continued to wish her goodnight and to repeat that she would wait for her to be ready. Lena knew that everyone was grieving in different ways, but she didn't know that Kara was facing it by abandoning her human side, hoping that she wouldn't have felt those heart-rending feelings.

The thoughts of the Kryptonian were abruptly interrupted when she heard a strange sound add to the others she was listening to. She opened her eyes, realizing what the source of the sound was, which became faster and faster. She got out of the building and flew to the balcony of Lena's office. She opened the glass door wide and took the box before running out again.

"What..?" Kara could hear Lena's incredulous question as she moved upward. She threw the box, it exploded like a big firework. Kara gritted her teeth, strangely the contents had weakened her. She found herself lowering slowly to catch her breath. 

"Supergirl" called the incredulous and surprised voice of the brunette. Kara decided to land again on the balcony, keeping her hands on her hips, she looked serious and impassive. 

"Someone tried to kill you, Miss Luthor ... again" she added, at last, shaking her head slightly. Lena couldn't believe her eyes. She was quite accustomed to the attempted murders, and she was quite sure that the package wasn't from Mr Lin, but from some good terrorist who falsified documents. 

"Are you okay?" Lena regained herself by hearing the superheroine talk again. She cleared her throat and nodded. 

"Yes, thank you Supergirl," she said calmly. Kara felt a chill cross her back. Lena hadn't spoken to her for a long time, and now she felt she could hang on every word from her painted red lips. 

"Then I suggest you go home and stay safe, I will inform the DEO and they will find out who sent that package," she said, starting to turn around. She hadn't met the woman's eyes even once, she knew that if she did, she would collapse instantly. 

"Wait..." when Kara felt Lena's hand on her arm, she stopped immediately. Supergirl waited for the woman to speak, she hoped she could open her mouth, be able to say that there was a robbery somewhere and that she had to go. But the words couldn't get out of her mouth, and she stood still, looking at the buildings in front of her. 

"Can you stay? I don't feel safe now being alone," she said, and Kara could tell she was lying, that Lena was actually looking for an excuse to make her stay. And Kara could only accept. Taking a small sigh and relaxing the muscles, she moved away from the edge and crossed her arms to her chest moving away. 

"You should go home," she added, and Lena followed her into the office. The brunette closed the balcony, feeling immediately the bitter cold that characterized the month of December. 

"I absolutely have to finish filling out some documents," the woman justified, sitting down at her desk. Kara walked to the centre of the office and lost a moment to inspire the familiar smell that was there. Lena began to write again, and Kara looked at her sideways. 

It was strange to see her after what seemed like an eternity for her. Kara approached the bookstore and touched a few books. They were all boring books on biology or technology. She listened to the sound of the pen, now he could do it even without concentrating her hearing, and waited patiently for Lena to speak. 

She sent a message to J'onn, informing him of the incident and asking him to investigate. The brunette quickly concluded her documents and placed them in a red folder in her drawer. The woman stood for a moment looking at Supergirl's profile, holding one of her many books in one hand. Lena stood up and approached, crossing her arms. 

"I didn't know you were interested in nanotechnology," she admitted with a small, amused smile. Kara noticed that Lena was close, too much close. She closed the book. 

"I'm not," she replied, placing it in the bookcase. Lena bit her inner cheek watching how Supergirl continued to avoid her gaze. 

"Can we talk?" Damn it, a question that Kara hated in those days. 

"Aren't we already doing it?" She rhetorically asked, hoping to irritate the woman and make her desist from her intent. But Lena knew something was wrong, and she had promised herself that she would talk to Supergirl about anything that happened to her. 

"Lately I've been watching the news a lot," she began, and Kara squeezed her arms, realizing that she had failed in her intent. 

"I'm glad you're informing yourself of the world around you," Kara replied nonchalantly, absently looking at the title of a book. Lena sighed slightly and took a step forward.

"I know there's something wrong, Supergirl," she began, and Kara hated the fact that the sweet tone of her voice made her heart beat quickly. 

"There's really nothing wrong," she said quickly, turning away, turning her back on the woman again. Lena bit her lower lip and approached again.

"Can we leave aside our problems for now? I'd like to talk to the Supergirl I knew before the problem with Kryptonite," she said, and Kara gritted her teeth angrily. 

"Guess what, Lena, that person is gone, but don't blame yourself, she's gone for another reason," she replied and Lena's heart lost a beat. Supergirl had never talked to her like that, she had always been kind, serious, available. The woman thought well of the words to use, perhaps going straight to the point would have managed to break the mask she was wearing. 

"It's for Agent Danvers, isn't it?" Kara felt the world stop. Hearing someone call her like that as if she were just one of the many Agents who gets mixed up in the crowd, it triggered her. She turned quickly and in a blink of an eye, she found herself in front of the woman. Finally, she found the courage to look her straight in the eye. Surprised green eyes met the cold and blue ones.

"Director Danvers" precise narrowing the look. "And these are none of your business." Lena noticed how Supergirl had come back to give her a cold tone. 

"I remind you that I knew her too, and I know how much you cared for each other," she said, initially the tone was hard, but then it softened and Kara clenched her fists. She didn't deserve that sweetness, she didn't even deserve to talk to Lena. 

"No, you don't know," she repeated, looking down and turning around again. Kara kept her gaze down and finally let out a trembling breath. "She was my sister, and I didn't save her, I'm a superheroine and I couldn't save my sister's life, I'm really bad" Lena was stunned on those words, before fully understanding them and gawking. 

"Kara?" She blew in a low voice, looking incredulously at the blonde in front of her. 

"Yeah, now please, let's skip the inconveniences and get to the point where you send me away because I lied to you," she said in a bitter and sarcastic tone. Lena was hit by so many different emotions, but she concentrated. She used her beloved imaginary boxes, took all the emotions she felt towards this discovery and sent them down, she would have thought about it further. 

"I'm not going to do anything like that," she said and Kara raised an eyebrow, looking up to look at Lena's expression. She seemed sincere and Kara moreover came closer. 

"I know how hard it can be to lose someone you love," she began in a softer tone, brushing against her best friend's arm. 

"You don't know how much it hurts to know you could have saved her, that if you had been faster... if you had arrived in time .." Kara bit her lip and looked down more and more. Lena approached, placing both hands on her shoulders. 

"What happened to her, it's not your fault," she said, looking for the Kryptonian's gaze. Kara didn't have the courage to get away, didn't have the courage to run away and leave. 

"It is, they killed her because of me, I didn't protect her ... she ... she died in my arms," Lena could immediately see the woman's eyes shining and bright. "I shouldn't have let her come there, I knew it was dangerous, but I didn't say anything, and then she was always self-confident, she had overcome so many worst situations, and she went into a parallel dimension and came out without even a single scratch," Lena listened to the trembling and weak voice that gradually turned into sobs. The brunette came closer and hugged the superheroine, girdling her hips with her arms and passing a hand on her back. 

"Kara, you did everything possible, you couldn't even foresee what would happen" she tried to say, but she knew it would be useless. 

"No Lena, I knew something was wrong, I felt it. That Alex would continue the mission ... That bullet ... I could have stopped it, it would have been like taking a little bolt ... I would have sent it back, I could stop them, I could protect her ... I could save her and I didn't! " Desperately sobbed the blonde as she trembled terribly. Lena continued to squeeze her and tried to calm her down. Kara vented everything she was holding inside, all the tears she had repressed, thinking that she wouldn't feel pain. But the pain was too much, it was so much that she couldn't even speak now. 

"Come on, let's sit down," Lena whispered, taking her hand and guiding her to the couch. Kara followed her, sniffling and immediately feeling Lena's lack of warmth. They both sat down, and the brunette spread her arms inviting Kara to approach. Lena didn't have to repeat twice, Kara leaned against the woman and hugged her tightly, hiding her face in her chest, continuing to cry. 

Lena had never seen her like this, during the funeral it was clear that Kara was holding everything in, and only occasionally released a few tears running down her face. Lena had hugged her, but Kara hadn't returned. The speech that the blonde made during the funeral, broke the heart of all those present. And immediately afterwards Kara couldn't stand up anymore. She ran away, changing into her suit and flew over the city for hours and hours. From that moment on she had lost contact with most of the people she knew. Only Eliza and J'onn could convince her to reply to some message. 

"At that moment, when she fell ... I felt like dying with her" the blonde said with a broken voice. "Seeing her fall to the ground, feeling her breathing wailing, it was as if the kryptonite had entered my bloodstream, it was horrible." Lena turned slightly to be able to lie down and had Kara do the same. Now they were lying on the sofa, one hugging each other, and Kara kept her face hidden in the chest of the brunette.

"I had to waste time disarming those ... those monsters ... before I could reach her, and to think that in those moments I could save her make me angry" Kara squeezed a little more Lena, who didn't give her so much weight and caressed the blonde's head. 

"You know that that shot was fatal, you couldn't do anything Kara, it's not your fault" she kept repeating hoping to convince the blonde in some way. 

"She told me so many times that she loved me, and I couldn't tell her anything... I wanted to tell her that I'm sorry, that she was the best sister I could wish for, that I broke her leather jacket, that I never liked her pancakes" Lena left her a kiss on her head letting her vent and hiding her in her arms. 

"Kara, she loved you too. She believed in you, and she wanted you to be all right, don't you think that if she sees you that way she would feel very guilty about herself?" She asked after a little silence, and Kara didn't answer. They stayed that way for a while, and Kara occasionally found herself talking to Lena more quietly. 

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your messages," she murmured and Lena shook her head. "It doesn' matter," she replied, continuing to stroke her hair. Another time passed. 

"Aren't you angry with me for lying to you?" she said softly and Lena thought about how to answer. She sighed slightly before tightening Kara more. 

"You had your reasons, the important thing is that you are sincere with me from now on," she said and Kara nodded listening to Lena's beating, resting the ears on it was a sound of which she would never get tired. 

"I got fired .. both from DEO and from Catco" Lena was instantly paralyzed and her eyes widened. "W-what ?!" She breathed incredulously, looking down.

"It's that without Alex I ... I can't be two different people .. I cannot be Kara Danvers and Supergirl .. I don't even know who I should play anymore" she admitted and Lena sighed, pulling her ear. 

"You must be Kara, simply Kara, the Kryptonian who has come here, who always smiles, who can't insult people because she is too good, who has a heart of gold and who has the hero's complex," she said and adjusted her a lock of hair behind an ear. 

"Who hates kale, loves potsticker and pizza, who can't help but worry about the people she cares about," she continued and wiped her face with her thumb. "But you don't have to be right now, I know how much you can feel lost now, only time can heal a similar wound," she said and gave her a small, reassuring smile. Kara looked at her and hid her face again so as not to burst again into tears. Lena patted her head in silence. 

"Thanks ... I don't think I deserve this, but I'm selfish enough to stay here and let you do it," the blonde muttered and Lena rolled her eyes. 

"You're the least selfish person I know," she snorted and Kara shrugged slightly.

"So can we stay like this?" The blonde hesitantly asked, and Lena nodded as she approached her. 

"It wouldn't be the first time I sleep in the office," she said nonchalantly. Kara inspired her scent. 

"It would be the first time you would do it with me," she said almost jokingly, and Lena tried not to blush at the thought. "I'll make an exception just this once, but stop making criminals dying," she said almost in a tone, and Kara nodded, feeling a little guilty. 

"Cross on the heart," she said childishly, and Lena felt relieved to hear her talk like that. They remained silent, each listening to the breath of the air. They didn't seem to want to fall asleep right away, they preferred to enjoy the moment and maybe stay that way forever. 

"Lena ..." the blonde's voice was low and wavering. "Hm?" The brunette answered simply, looking at the dark office. Kara nibbled her lip before speaking. 

"Can we eat something? I'm starving" at those words, Lena burst into a thunderous laugh and went down to look at Kara. "You're unbelievable," she admitted, and the Kryptonian felt her face burn. 

"It's just that lately I burned a lot of calories, and I didn't eat so much," she admitted, looking down.

"Can we order Chinese? They should still make deliveries at this time" Lena said and Kara for the first time, after two weeks, smiled. "I could eat for three people, you know," the blonde said and Lena giggled lightly. "I can imagine".


End file.
